Through the Community Centers we bring in programs (Peer 2 Peer) with many volunteers and help develop, mold and prepare our kids to be productive citizens.  You say (they are already doing this) and yes they have programs that are geared towards the community. My program gives that one on one communication and addresses anything from School work to image issues; at North-Side Foundation we will go beyond that wall to never leave a client unsatisfied. I know that it is impossible to have 100% satisfaction but we try and have been successful thus far. Most of our activities have some kind of educational substance that will be familiar to our programs. Please understand that Peer 2 Peer will teach tolerance in communication amongst peers; what’s important is to not only have our teens understand themselves but understanding in-depth the world around them and how to cope.

2009 Summer programs

Unfortunately these events were pushed ahead to next year but with that said we have more time to make them bigger and better. Thank you everyone that volunteered to help and we look forward to your help next year.

• Make a new friend Bowling night: Every first Friday of each month starting in April of 2009, more details to come. 
• Fun free tour of Kansas City: July 2009
• Books, Back Packs and BB-Q/North-Side Concert in the park: First Sat of Aug
• North-Side charitable Pub Crawl: May, June, Aug and Sept, set dates to come.

More Info on these events will be posted in the near future.

We are talking about teen boys. More than anything else, boys and girls are individuals.  There is no “one size fits all” approach to dealing with teens. We have found, though, that some things seem to work better when we help families communicate with teen boys.

Boys and girls, like adults, have the same five basic feelings: anger, sadness fear, happiness and embarrassment. What’s different sometimes is how teen boys and girls handle and express these feelings.

Many boys are a little slower to mature emotionally than girls. This doesn’t mean that boys aren’t as sensitive or don’t feel things as deeply as girls. In fact, boys sometimes get overwhelmed more easily by strong feelings. When boys get overwhelmed, they’re more likely to shut down or act like they doesn’t care than, say, get into a screaming fight with parents.

 If a boy is going to let his feelings out, he may express anger. At times it can seem easier or more “acceptable” to a teen boy to be angry than to admit feeling sad or scared.  Adults have to dig a bit to find out what the anger is really about.

We sometimes hear from families that a teen boy “never comes out of his room”, or is so involved outside the house that it’s hard to know what is going on with him. Like girls, when boys become teens their friends and outside interests become incredibly important. It can be frustrating when a teen mentions that he “had a really good talk with Coach” about something, even though it seems he never talks at home any more. It’s important for teens to feel that they aren’t as dependent on parents and family as they used to be. Boys often try to do this by keeping difficult feelings quiet, or sharing with other people.

Tips to deal with your teen boy and what hes going through

Keep it low-key. Many boys are less comfortable with “intense” conversations than girls are. Talking face-to-face can feel too personal or confrontational, and this can make a boy clam up pretty quickly. Try doing an activity together that lets you talk side-by side (driving, working on something) so that you aren’t facing each other but can still talk easily.

Do something active. Boys often process thoughts and feelings more easily if they can be moving. Some boys who have a hard time concentrating in school find it helps to have a way to move (pacing while reading, squeezing a stress ball). In the same way, it can help to give a teen boy something physical to do while talking. Shooting baskets, raking leaves, even doing the dishes together can help words flow.

Keep it short. Boys often don’t have the energy for long, drawn-out emotional scenes.  One of the benefits of talking in the car is that, unless you’re on a long car trip, your teen boy knows the conversation won’t last too long. Just knowing this might help him feel comfortable enough to open up.

Pick your battles. Let your teen know that you understand his need for privacy about some things, but that you will keep asking about important stuff.  “It’s OK for you not to tell me everything about your friends, but you always have to tell me where you’re going and when you’ll be home”.

Be creative. Sometimes, any conversation can feel uncomfortable and threatening to teens. Leaving notes, writing letters, or even recording messages between you can help open lines of communication. Let your teen know that you think anything he has to share is important. And as always, really listen when your teen does decide to talk.

Don’t give up. Most of all, keep trying! Even if he sometimes acts like he’s allergic to you, your teen desperately wants to know that you are there to listen and help when he needs you.

Teens working together to accomplish a goal; this brings on unity and personal satisfaction as well as group achievement.

Key Message for Parents:
Most things about your teens world are changing.
Don’t let your LOVE be one of them.

Parents of Teenagers

What Do We Do Now!

Be around - Teens whose parents are physically present in the home - for example, in the morning, after school, at dinner, and at bedtime - are less likely to get into trouble with alcohol, drugs, sex, and tobacco, and are more likely to do well academically.

Be a "hands-on" Parent - "Hands-On" parents are described as those who are supportive and caring yet clear about rules and consequences. Teens who have grown up with "hands-on" parents are half as likely to get into trouble as teens raised by "hands-off" parents.

Clearly communicate your high expectations - Parents who demand academic achievements have teens who do better in school. Teens with parents who set high expectations are teens who know their parents believe, "You can do it!"

Involve your teens in positive activities - Teens who take part in sports for example are more likely to get good grades, and less likely to experiment with sex. Similarily, research shows that parents who see to it that their teens participate in religious observances produce a protective shield for their teens-especially when it comes to academics, substance abuse, and sexual activity.

Understand that teens want your guidance. Research is showing that teens, for example, report that the most influential people in their lives are not peers, teachers, or coaches; the most influential people are their parents.

Remember teens feel more than they think. Teens understand their feelings more than they understand their thinking. You may better understand what they were thinking if you ask how they were feeling. The following open-ended questions can help get them talking.

Instead of: Do you think you can talk about it?   

Try: Do you feel like talking about it?

Instead of: What do you think about that?  

Try: How do you feel about it?

Instead of: What do you think you’re going to do?  

Try: What do you feel you may do?

Instead of: What were you thinking?                          

Try: What were you feeling when you did that?

Teen Girls– Things to Know...

Going from parenting a child to parenting a teen can be pretty abrupt sometimes. It can seem that overnight, your child has been replaced by a completely different, hard-to-get-along-with person. Everyone is different, and not every girl or boy fits a mold, but there are some things we’ve learned about teens in general and girls in particular:

Girls can get very emotional, very fast
Boys get very emotional too. It’s part of being a teenager. Some of this is because hormones can “raise the volume” on emotional responses; some of it is because the parts of the brain that control executive functioning (cool reasoning, slowing down impulsive responses) are still just developing in teens. Boys tend to bottle those feeling up, or express them physically, or with peers. Girls are often already comfortable with sharing feelings in general, and get very expressive during an argument, sometimes in dramatic ways. This can mean yelling, crying and fierce arguing, very quickly turning a discussion into a screaming match.

What is with these reactions?
A couple of things are key to remember. When feelings seem way out of proportion to the problem, your teen may be pushing hard to get the outcome she wants. Or, it could be a situation that seems really important because of where the teen is standing. You know that friends worth having won’t judge your teen on her popularity, for example. She doesn’t really believe that yet, so the issue of having the same curfew as her friends is much more life-or-death to her. Also, your teen may be dealing with the stress of being a teen in a scary world. She may feel safest unloading that frustration in a place that will always like and accept her-home.

Anthony Wolf, PhD, who writes about teens and parents, suggests that teen girls sometimes use these emotional scenes to handle their mixed feelings about separating from parents. Teens still want to be taken care of by their parents, just like when they were little. But these feelings are opposite from being independent, so wanting closeness becomes scary and upsetting. The screaming and yelling may be a way for a teen to feel connected, but at the same time convince herself that she’s separate from her parents.

So what can parents do with all this? We have some suggestions:

Reflect neutrally
During a conflict, most of us want to feel that someone is listening to us and trying to understand, even if they don’t agree with us. When your teens’ emotions get too big and overwhelming, hearing a parent “reflect” the feelings back (”You’re really angry”) reassures your teen that you’re still listening and that you’re not judging her feelings or her right to have them. This takes you out of the argument and puts your teen in charge of her own feelings. Don’t worry about sounding dorky; it still helps.

Don’t take on the blame
Sometimes a teen may try to shift blame on to the parent for setting a limit. Parents should listen to requests to change a rule, and compromise when a teen’s reasons make sense. If you’ve listened and you still feel your limit is reasonable, stick to it. You can do this without taking the blame for all the things your teen is worried will happen.

Get curious
When your teen’s response seems way out-of-proportion to the problem, get curious about what else is going on. With a little encouragement, your teen may be able to tell you what else is bothering her and take the steam out of the argument. Even if she doesn’t tell you, at least she’s heard that you are trying to understand.

Set limits on language, but don’t take it personally
Teens will sometimes stoop to pretty low stuff in an argument, especially when they feel powerless or frustrated. Girls are often good at reading other peoples’ feelings. This quality, which made for a very sweet and thoughtful pre-teen, can make for a teenager who is good at saying just the thing to hurt your feelings.

Afterwards, a parent may feel devastated while a teen feels, “What’s the big deal? I just got angry”. If your teen starts throwing emotional grenades (“No one can live with you, that’s why Mom left”), you must not react to them. Chances are, your teen doesn’t actually think anything like that, but is feeling out of control or wants to get you to respond. Reacting takes the conversation off track, usually to a worse place. DO NOT get pulled into a discussion about the divorce, or your parenting, etc.

Take a break
When an argument seems like it’s going to get out of control, emotionally or physically, take a break! Leave the room and calm down. If your teen is really hooked into the argument, you may need to get away for a while to stop your teen from following you and continuing to escalate. Leave the house if you have to. Explain that you’ll come back and finish the conversation when you’re both calmer, and then make sure that you do.

 Group discussion can narrow the gap between conflicts and promote unity.

Teens typically undergo profound changes in their way of thinking during adolescence,
allowing them more effectively to understand and coordinate abstract
ideas, to think about possibilities, to try out hypotheses, to think ahead, to think
about thinking, and to construct philosophies.

Develop and apply a more complex
level of perspective taking

Teens typically acquire a powerful new ability to understand human relationships,
in which, having learned to “put themselves in another person’s shoes,” they learn
to take into account both their perspective and another person’s at the same time,
and to use this new ability in resolving problems and conflicts in relationships.
Related to all these dramatic shifts, teens are involved in acquiring new abilities to
think about and plan for the future, to engage in more sophisticated strategies
for decision making, problem solving, and conflict resolution, and to moderate
their risk taking to serve goals rather than jeopardize them.

Form friendships that are mutually
close and supportive

Although youngsters typically have friends throughout childhood, teens generally
develop peer relationships that play much more powerful roles in providing support
and connection in their lives. They tend to shift from friendships based
largely on the sharing of interests and activities to those based on the sharing of
ideas and feelings, with the development of mutual trust and understanding.
Identity formation is in a sense a lifelong process, but crucial aspects of identity
are typically forged at adolescence, including developing an identity that reflects
a sense of individuality as well as connection to valued people and groups.